


It's All Over But The Crying

by Oliver_do_the_twist



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heart-to-Heart, John being a loving bf, Post-Canon, Spoilers, learning to keep on living, learning to live with the life you have
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 15:19:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver_do_the_twist/pseuds/Oliver_do_the_twist
Summary: Amber is having a hard time accepting that shes a good person after all the death and turmoil shes caused. Hancock sees to it that she knows how good of a person she really is.just a little sweet thing  between my ss and John Hancock





	It's All Over But The Crying

 

There was so much death. 

First the Prydwyn and now the Institute, countless deaths were on my hands. The view of the nuclear blast from the Mass Fusion tower looked all too familiar.

_ I'm no better than the people who blew us to oblivion in the first place.  _

I  came into this world just looking for my son. I had the innocent goal of just wanting a family again.  But the last time I saw Shaun he was dying of an incurable illness and telling me that I had lied to him and I was about to destroy everything he ever loved. I  would’ve never let Shaun turn into a person like father. I never wanted to wake up from “decontamination” and find this nuclear wasteland. I never wanted so much blood on my hands. I never thought any of these things would happen. Pre-war me would be horrified at what I've done. I was perfectly happy with my perfect suburban dream. I just wanted to kiss Nate goodbye in the mornings and watch Shaun grow up. But that's all that life is now: a dream. When does anyone get what they want in this wasteland?

I told Dez that I am done with missions for a while. She was disappointed but not surprised, she understood. Tinker Tom would take little Shaun back to hq to be safe until we transported him to Sanctuary.

“Hey”,  a familiar husky voice full of understanding and concern  came from behind me. It was Hancock. I turned to face him. His deep black eyes were searching my forlorn face. He seemed to know exactly what was going on in my head, he always did. “Let’s go home”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Let’s do that”.

The first day going back to Sanctuary was uncharastically quiet. There was hardly any enemies to deal with. The blast must've scared them back into whatever hole they crawled out of.

We spent our first night at Taffington Boathouse. There wasn't anyone there anymore after the two settlers who lived there decided to go somewhere with more people. We now just used it from time to time to have a safe soft bed. 

We unpacked our things in silence, even though there was little danger and reason to stay quiet, our whole day was relative silence. We had only talked small talk. I had mostly been lost in my self destructive thoughts. And I could tell Hancock knew I wasn't going easy on myself.

“I can tell you've been thinking a lot doll, do you want to get it all of your chest? It might help.” his comment made me come back to reality.

I nodded and sat down next to him on the bed “ I guess it's just… ”I struggled to find words. “John when you know something is wrong… and you do it in the name of good, it- it messes with you, I mean how can I know that what I did was justified? How can I know that I'm not worse than the people who bombed us in the first place? I mean looking at that blast… the first time I saw something like that I was headed into the vault with my family...I” I paused  and reflected on that fateful descent underground. “I thought the people who pushed the button to detonate the bombs had to be less than human. But I did the same thing John.” my voice started to falter, and I started to cry “I'm probably going to the same level of hell they are. I've killed so many, and ruined so many lives. I've done the exact same thing that was done to me, and I think that's worse, you know?” big fat tears were streaming down my face “ I know what it's like to have everything you ever loved taken from you at the hand of monsters in human skin. And only a year later I become that monster. I don't know how I can go on living knowing I did that.”

It was silent save for my sobs. I could see Hancock wipe a tear off his face, a rare sight for him. after a few moments he spoke:

“Look, Amber, I know how hard you've had it. I wouldn't wish some of the things that's been done to you on my worst enemies. And I know living from here on out is going to be hard. But c’mon sister, you're not taking in all the good you've done out here too! And you can't leave that stuff out. The people who bombed the Commonwealth were self interested bastards, and I can tell you without a doubt you are not one of them. The Institute and The Brotherhood were not all innocent, they were terrorizing and ruining lives too. And you were the only one who had any guts to stand up for the little guy and put an end to their tyranny. The good innocent people of the commonwealth owe you a lot. I know the people of Diamond City will definitely thank you after what happened with McDonough.”

“Yeah…” I thought about what he said for a moment. “I wish that had never happen to you John, it's unfair to you and your brother”.

“See? There you go proving’ my point further sister, you're always thinking of other people regardless of what kind of shit you're dealing with. I've never met anyone like you, and I personally know people whose lives you've saved, one of them being my own. I can say without a doubt you're the best thing that's happened to me sunshine, and I finally know that my place in this world is right by your side."

There was a long silence as I thought about his words.

“I don't know what to say John. Thank you.” I leaned into him on the bed and put my head on his chest, breathing in the familiar musk of smoke and dust that seemed to always linger on that coat of his.   “You're the best thing to happen to me too, John”. I layed there listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall. It wasn't long before I fell asleep in his arms.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I woke the next morning to crows cawing. I looked at my pip boy on the dresser and found that it was 8:30  _ why didn't he wake me up? We’re losing daylight here _ .

“John?” I sat up. he wasn't anywhere to be seen. I heard the clamoring of pots and pans downstairs and I decided to follow it.

Once down I saw yet another rare sight: John Hancock without his coat on making breakfast at the old wood burning stove.

God I loved the man.

“Whats this?” I poked. He turned around with a bashful goofy smile plastered on his face. I couldn't help but return one back.

“I thought maybe you’d like a nice hot breakfast this morning. Rather than stale cereal.” He brought over a plate and placed it on the table. Which had been neatly set although the silverware had been in all the wrong places. But  admired the effort. “I uhh… actually used that pre-war recipe book you found and tried my best to recreate one of the dishes. It's probably not very good but…”

I leaned into him and kissed him.“ It looks wonderful John. Thank you, “ I sighed and sat down “I think I needed this”

He smiled when he saw my satisfaction. “Anything love”.

It actually didn't look bad, it didn't taste bad either. It was an omelette with rad chicken eggs, and bramhim steak and cheese, decorated with hubflower. My stomach growled looking at it. I couldn't remember the last time I had something like this, probably before the war. I dug in, trying, and failing, to eat it slow. But savoring each bit nonetheless.

My heart ached as I started to recall the events of yesterday. Hancock's words had helped soothe my conscience, but they didn't change what I had done.

As perceptive as always, he put his hand on mine, “Hey, let’s get on the road again. The fresh air will do you good” 

I nodded and helped clean up the kitchen mess. We packed up and headed out.

“What time did you even get up anyways?” I asked as we stepped out the door.

“Uhh… five in the morning”

“It took you three and a half hours to make two omelettes?” I jabbed. John was a light sleeper but  he’d be damned if he ever woke up that early in the morning.

“Well no…” he looked away.

“Well what were you doing?”  
“I was making some calls. You'll see." He winked "Oh! I almost forgot we should go help that settlement Preston told us about”

“When did you become eager to do anything Preston has asked of us?”

“Well I just thought since it's on the way, and it would be better for you to do some good hard work for the people of the commonwealth” he had some odd grin on his face, like _he_ was  _ actually trying _ to get me to do work with him, instead of the other way around.

“I guess so, but it will take about another day or so to get back to Sanctuary”

“That's perfect sunshine” he smiled.

I gave him an odd look but decided not to question it. When we got to the Abernathys, they had just asked us to clear out some ferals down the road. Easy stuff. But John was right, doing good for people felt well,  _ good _ .  We spent the night there and didn't rush out in the morning. One night turned into two. The Abernathys were kind people, and lonely now that their daughter had died. I decided we should spend as much time with the farmers as we could before we had to leave.

It was around seven when we finally got back to Sanctuary. I was exhausted. I needed like two days of rest, and a damn bath would be nice too. I nodded at the guard as we walked past

“Hey miss?” The guard asked before we walked away. “You might want to go to the  end of the cul-de-sac, there's um, something for ya” I nodded and thanked him. Hancock tipped his hat at the guard. 

“Does this have anything to do you?” I asked him as we made our way back there.

“Maybe” he flashed his devilish grin, the one he does when he knows that something is going his way.

We walked to the cul-de-sac and what waited there was truly special. 

Almost Everyone I had ever helped was waiting there. All of my friends, Nick, Piper, Mac, Cait,  at least a few settlers from many settlements I had helped found, members of the Railroad like Tinker Tom and Deacon and the Minutemen. A few shop venders like Daisy from Goodneighbor and Diamond City were all there.

I almost dropped to my knees in shock.  _Everyone is here_

“Thank you!” they all said in somewhat unison when we rounded the corner. I was speechless, there were so many people there, the number had to reach into the triple digits.  _ There all here for me _ . 

“I wanted to show you the good you've done in person.” Hancock said “maybe half of these people would be lying somewhere in a ditch getting gnawed on by radroaches right now if it wasn't for you. And these are just the people who could make short notice. That's why I was stalling for time doll, not because I had some overwhelming urge to suddenly do what Preston says to.” he smiled. I saw Preston roll his eyes at Johns remark. “Don't you dare call yourself a monster when all these people and more consider you their hero, Sunshine”

I gave him a huge bear hug, surprising him in the process “Okay”. I whispered.

“Mom!” little Shaun came running up to us. “Can you believe that everyone is here for you? I'm so happy you're my mom”

I pulled him into  a hug and sighed. There was even something familiar about the way he smelled, it was amazing that anyone could copy anyone so perfectly. “I'm glad I'm your mother too Shaun. I wouldn't trade you for the world sweetheart” _ not this time at least _ .

  
I could honestly call this the best night I had since I woke up from the vault (well besides those nights I had shared with John of course). So many people came up to me and thanked me. They told stories and updates on their lives, “all possible thanks to you” they said. Maccready just got back from getting Duncan from the Capital Wasteland, and he had gotten over his illness, Mac could now just focus on  his small family. The Finches thanked me for bringing their son back for them. Apparently he had found a girl, and was the happiest he’d ever been. Nick and I chatted for a long time, he was a dear friend of mine, unlike any I had made. He was learning how to make a life of his own now, rather than rely on the human Nick’s memories. There were so many people and so many stories I had a hard time keeping them all straight.

Around when midnight struck, people started to find their bed for the night. Shaun, Hancock, and I made our way to my house. I said goodnight to Shaun. And flopped down on my bed, Hancock not far behind.

“So was that enough to convince you that you're not just some ‘monster in human skin’? He asked crawling into bed.

I turned over to look at him “yes I think it is John, thank you” I had no words for how much I loved him. Sometimes I felt I didn't deserve him. “If I weren't so exhausted I would ah, reward you for your troubles” I winked.

“It was no trouble love, but I think I'll take you up on your offer sometime soon, when I'm not so exhausted either.” He yawned and flopped down on the bed next to me. his hat resting on his face.

I leaned over picked up his hat and kissed him. “Goodnight John” I whispered. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me kissing me back.

“Goodnight sunshine”.

I closed my eyes. Maybe this wasn't the life I had left. It wasn't one I had ever dreamed I would have. But laying here with John’s arms wrapped around me and Shaun's muffled snores coming from across the hall, I know now that I wouldn't wish for anything else. This wasteland had given me it's own version of a family. And I know it's all I ever wanted. It's all I ever fought for. And I know I would do it all again if it lead to this exact moment.


End file.
